Saturday, May 3, 2014

adoption update- disclosure meeting

At times I wonder how we can say "no" especially when there are so many others that would jump at the chance to get the call, the email, the referral. I look through the book of waiting children often and my heart breaks knowing there are so many children that need forever homes. At the same time, my heart is also filled with hope and love knowing that one day one (or more than one) of these children will be part of our family.

We went to a disclosure meeting for a sibling group of two on Tuesday. I went in with an open mind and there was a time or two during the meeting where I pictured what it would be like- taking the kids to gymnastics class with Kennadie or soccer practice or swim class, walks around the neighborhood with all three kids after dinner, playing outside in the yard, baths and stories before bed. I felt like maybe it would work, maybe it would all be okay. I have this optimistic outlook on how it will be or how I hope it will be. But in the end there were some things that were so very concerning to us that no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get it to feel right. And for us that feeling needs to be there. It saddens me that it is this way right now. It saddens me that it didn't feel right. It breaks my heart that we couldn't say yes. Going to this meeting has taught me so much and we have dug deeper into ourselves this past week and clarified exactly what we believe we can handle and what we believe we would be good at. We know what we are comfortable with and I have learned how to think more clearly while leaving my heart out of it when needed. Although we never met these two children, I don't think I will ever forget about them or their story. They deserve the absolute best.

One of the reasons why I love photography so much is because at the end of the day when I sit down at my computer and look through the pictures from our day I am reminded that the small in-between moments are just as important as these big life changing ones.

Like watching her in dance class. She has been asking to get back into gymnastics instead of dance so after her class ends in June we will be done with dance (for now at least) and back into gymnastics. So it makes these last few weeks of classes that much more meaningful to me.

And spending sick days together. She had the stomach flu and then a few days later I caught it. As much as getting sick sucked I definitely cherish our sick days together- laying on the couch hardly leaving each others side and lots of cuddles and napping and watching way too much TV.

And family time together outside.

These little moments can often be overlooked when dealing with heavy up and down emotions or making so many life changing decisions. These daily photos are a constant reminder that it's not just the big pieces but also the small pieces that, when all put together, make up our life.

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