When I was pregnant with Kennadie I had all different books on what to expect during my pregnancy and all sorts of pregnancy magazines piled up on our coffee table in the living room. I read those books and magazines every night. I knew how big my baby was. I knew what was normal and what wasn't. I knew how I was supposed to be feeling. I knew how close we were until we were going to meet our baby.
Just like with this adoption, there was a whole lot of waiting while I was pregnant. Waiting to first see that second line show up to confirm that I was pregnant. Waiting for test results from the doctor's office to definitely confirm that I was pregnant. Waiting to hear a heartbeat. Waiting to see my baby on the screen. Although waiting was one of the hardest parts, there was a timeline, a guide. I knew that I was pregnant with one child. I knew my baby was a girl. I was given an approximate date as to when we would meet our child.
I am just as excited, emotional, and scared now as I was when I was pregnant with Kennadie. But the hard part with waiting to be matched when adopting is that we don't have any timeline. Everything is so uncertain. So much is out of our control and even in the hands of others. We don't know how many children we will be adding to our family. We don't know if our family will be blessed with adopting a boy or a girl or both. We don't know an age so we can't buy furniture or set up the bedrooms. We don't know if we will meet our child/children next month or next year.
We are officially licensed now and have been waiting a little over two months to find out if we are matched and I would be lying if I said that I didn't obsessively check my email for updates from our social worker-hoping that we hear good news, not so good news, any news at all.
During this waiting period the realness of it all has sunk in and I feel so invested already, wanting to fight for our child/children that we haven't even met yet. I don't doubt this or question it at all anymore. It has become perfectly clear to me that this is the path that we are supposed to be on and I am so incredibly thankful that we are here. It has opened my eyes to a whole new life that I never would have imagined.
While we wait, we will keep communicating to each other our thoughts, our concerns, our fears and our visions for our family. And, of course, I will keep obsessively checking my email until we bring our child/children home.