Tuesday, October 16, 2012

when it's right there in front of you

She slipped her bare feet into her dirty princess sneakers & grabbed the dog’s leash. We strolled across our front lawn to the sidewalk, our sneakers squishing in the wet grass. Minutes into our walk the sun began peeking out from behind the dark rain clouds; patches of the sky turned a bright blue & the warmth felt good on my face.  

She looked up at me when the first puddle caught her eyes. I smiled, “You can jump in the puddle, just know that your sneakers are going to get wet.” As she splashed around her shoes quickly became filled with water. She sat on the sidewalk, took off her muddy sneakers, & carefully dipped her toes in the puddle.  
 I was in a funk for a few days last week, questioning if being home full time with Kennadie was still the right thing for me to be doing. All of a sudden, I was daydreaming about what it would be like to blow dry my hair in the morning, wear heels, & head off to work listening to anything but Disney music in the car. 

Everything seemed a bit overwhelming, the little things getting on every last nerve. The piles of laundry were getting the best of me, every time I turned around something else would need to be picked up, the non-stop barking from my dog had my blood boiling, the dog eating the cat food & the cats eating the dog food, the piles of puke left by the cats just for me to clean up...again. The dog poop that had to be picked up from the yard before we could even go outside to play, the hours upon hours of playing with her “guys” & doll house, & the loneliness I was feeling-wondering how great it would be to have a conversation with an adult at that very moment. 

It didn't take long for the guilt to set in. How could I be so ungrateful? How can I not see how lucky I am? 

I am grateful. I get to do what I love to do each & every day. And as I started to pull out of this funk, I began appreciating all of the little moments again. I gently reminded myself that it's OK to have these feelings sometimes & that no matter what we do-whether we work out of the house or stay home full time, I think it’s expected to have these types of feelings at some point or another, to simply wonder what it might be like on the other side.  

This was one of the best walks I have had with her. Because that day, I needed this so badly. My mood lifted & all I could see was how blessed I was at that very moment-the moment she ran through a huge puddle, smiling & screeching with delight, stopping at the end of the puddle to do a little dance where she wiggled her butt. 

 I watched as she scooped mud in her tiny hands & threw it in the puddles. I realized how much I can learn from her-the way she lives in the moment & appreciates the little things in life.

 The amount of laughter we shared & the way my face hurt from smiling so much was exactly what I needed that day. 

And this little girl? She is the reason I do this every day. She was there when I needed a reminder that even though the days may seem long & even lonely at times, I know that I wouldn’t want to miss this for anything. The day will come (sooner than I would like) when she will be gone all day at school & I will look back at pictures & remember all of our special moments we shared together. I will think of the times when it was just the two of us & I know my heart will ache to have those days back. When I am feeling overwhelmed or need a reminder, I know that if I just open my eyes she will be right there, & without even knowing it she will remind me once again why I am doing this. 

Linking up with Galit & Alison for Memories Captured. 


Alison said...

Motherhood - it's truly humbling and amazing and heartwarming, isn't it?
Lovely pictures and your girl is beautiful.
Thank you for linking up!

Kimberly said...

I often wonder my position in this life. Especially now. But that boy, he makes me realize what I'm doing here.
Changing from a full time nurse to a stay at home mom was a difficult transition. But I'm glad that I did it.

Kim said...

This is beautiful and honest and oh-so-relatable to me and probably every single mother on the face of this Earth. And you are right- I think it is normal to be on one side of things and sometimes long for the other side. No one talks much about it, but I am sure that many people have those same thoughts.

This year, I have really started to try to "stay in the moment" myself. Sometimes, that moment is the only thing that keeps me sane. Really.

Thank you for sharing this! :-)
And also? AWESOME pics!! Did you use a camera?

Galit Breen said...

Your photos are absolutely stunning, as is your transparency.

There's something so beautiful in laying it all out there and seeing what our heart come sup with, yes?

This was lovely. As are you.

Andrea said...

Kim, why does it have to be so complicated?! It was a difficult transition from going to working outside of the house full time to staying home full time for me too. Although difficult at times, I am really glad that I did it too :)

Andrea said...

Thank you for your kind words :)

I find that since becoming a mom, I am realizing how important it is to really stay in the moment. I don't think I ever even thought about all that before. It can be tough & something I am working on but you are right it does keep us sane, or else our thoughts would be all over the place!

My camera is broken right now, so I was using my camera on my phone & then picmonkey to edit a bit :) Thanks again!

Andrea said...

Thank you so much Galit!

There is something really beautiful when laying it all out there, there really is :)

tracy@sellabitmum said...

These pictures just took my breath away. So beautiful. xo

Maureen | Scoops of Joy said...

It's really amazing isn't how our children can teach us to pause and appreciate life? Your words are so beautifully written and the pictures oh so gorgeous! Love this post! :)

Kristin @littlemamajama said...

I *so* get this. There are some days, usually when C is being particularly challenging, when I'd just love to RUN back to work. It's weird sometimes to think of how long it's been since I did get ready to go to work in the morning. I miss it sometimes. But, you're completely right. Then it hits me that if I wasn't staying home, there were so many little moments that I would miss - and I just can't imagine being anywhere else right now.

You're a wonderful Mama!

And, these are absolutely gorgeous pictures!