Saturday, September 15, 2012

the beginning of a beautiful journey

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” David Richo

To take the leap & show up for that first appointment is never easy. It means admitting that you may need some help. It may mean spilling your deepest thoughts & discomforts to someone you just met.

In the beginning, I was looking for a quick fix. I was looking for a counselor that could somehow make all of the anxiety & intrusive thoughts disappear.

Back then, I also didn't understand why counselors ask questions they know will break you. You think they will see you as weak if you cry, so you try to hold back the tears for as long as you can; but they eventually come pouring down like a waterfall.

Why would they want to make you cry? Why would they want you to dig so deep that old wounds you didn't even know existed begin to surface? 

Over the past year, I have learned how my way of thinking was all wrong. 

My heart was beating fast as I parked my car in the driveway. I knew in order for any healing to begin I had to be completely honest about what was going on & I wasn’t sure if I was ready to do that.

M's office, an addition on her house, was warm & inviting. Books on vulnerability & pamphlets on awakening & developing the best in yourself spread across the glass table in the waiting area.

M shook my hand & greeted me with a sweet & sincere smile.

I didn’t tell her about the intrusive thoughts right away. I had to know that I could trust her first.

Our relationship developed organically & she was always patient, letting me open up slowly.

It’s powerful what letting her in has done for my life.

I am learning so much & have made some profound changes in myself.  

She has taught me that in order to move forward, I need to heal from the past.  

M has held my hand through the ups & downs of recovering from a PPMD.  

Every day I am working on how to live fully in the present moment.  

I am learning that I don’t have to pretend to always be happy.

She has taught me that vulnerability doesn't mean weakness; it means courage & strength.

This month marks one year from when I took that leap & walked into M’s office. That day, I had no idea she was about to take me on such a beautiful journey of not only healing but also of self-discovery.


ocdtalk said...

Beautiful post that is sure to encourage others to take a leap of faith into therapy. Thanks you!

ocdtalk said...

Thank not thanks :)