Monday, July 16, 2012

my rainy day letter

My sweet Andrea,

You had a mountain to climb over the last few years but you made it. You survived Postpartum Anxiety & OCD! Be kind to yourself. Life is full of ups & downs. We are not promised a life that we breeze through. And look at where you are now!  You took a negative experience & made it into something positive. You are helping others. You are able to see all of the good that came out of this. I am so proud of you mama!

I know the intrusive thoughts were frightening. I know they terrorized you. I know they led you down a road that you never knew existed. But, you kicked their ass!!! This is something to be proud of!!

You may get intrusive thoughts from time to time. That is OK. You know what they are now. They can’t hurt you. Remember, the more you fight them the more power they will have. They want you to be terrified. Don’t give in. You are stronger than they are.

You may have days when anxiety storms into your life. Some days you may feel sad but not know why. At times, you may feel a little “off” or not like yourself. Some days will be harder than others. Know that this is all OK. 

During these times, you may be told that what you are feeling is wrong, or this will lead to depression. You may be told that you are falling back into that dark, scary place again. You may even be told that you will never feel better.

But sweetie, you will feel better. I know how hard it can be to believe this when you are in those moments of panic, anxiety or intrusive thoughts. But trust me. I haven't let you down yet! I have seen you in those moments before & you always come out on the other side. This is temporary.

I wish I could tell you that every day you would be happy. But no one lives this way. We all struggle, have bad days & experience times where we just don’t feel like ourselves. It’s a part of life & I hope that you can accept that & be kind to yourself when you have a bad day or feel “off”. I want you to remember that you cannot be happy every moment of every day.That is impossible. 

Remember that you have support now. I know how much you have needed this. You are not alone anymore. You won’t have to go through an anxiety attack or intrusive thought alone ever again. Remember the advice that they gave you. “Going through a hard time does not mean that you are not recovering or haven’t recovered. It might simply mean you are going through a hard time. The point is not necessarily never to feel bad, but how to respond to those feelings.”

It has been almost 11 months since you spoke out & began your road to healing. 11 months darling!! The dark clouds have lifted & you get to enjoy the sun almost every day. Be proud of how far you have come & remember your good days most definitely outweigh “bad” days. 

You can get through this. You can get through anything.              

Lots of love,

Be sure to check out all the wonderful rainy day letters on 

Yael Saar of survived postpartum depression twice, and became a mama on a mission to remove guilt, shame, and blame from parenting. Her facebook group Mama's Comfort Camp has over 200 mamas from all over the world supporting each other with self-care and self-kindness. I'm a member of the group and I love it, you can ask to join the group here:


tranquilamama said...

Andrea, this is a beautiful rainy day letter. You have made it through the other side. "We all struggle, have bad days & experience times where we just don’t feel like ourselves." This so resonated with me today. It's just a little bump or pothole on our road to recovery.

ocdtalk said...

Your letter to yourself is a great example of how we should treat ourselves with understanding and many of us are always down on ourselves for one reason or another. You have a lot to be proud of and you should celebrate it. Bravo!

Kimberly said...

I love love this.
I've never written myself a letter.
I probably should :)
Thank you so much for sharing this.

Andrea said...

I think it can be so hard to remember that it is just a little bump. I don't know about you, but I get so caught up if I feel off. Fear & panic completely takes over! We need to remember that we will be fine though & it's ok to have an off day :)

Andrea said...

Thank you! I know, it was weird writing this letter cause I usually don't treat myself with such understanding & kindness as that but it felt so good to be extra nice to myself :)

Andrea said...

Thanks Kim! I hope you write a letter too. It felt really good & I am hoping that next time I freak out I can whip this out & remind myself that it won't last forever!!