Friday, January 1, 2016

2015

It's 9pm on New Year's Eve and we just tucked the girls in bed in kennadies room as they are doing a little sleepover in there. We took the girls to play some arcade games earlier today, got Jasmine's for dinner and all ate my parents' house with Oma and Opa and played old maid and uno attack. Josh and I spent some time drawing with the girls before tucking them in. We like to have our nights together and plan on snacking and watching a movie out in the sunroom tonight. A nice low key night at home spent with the people I love the most.

2015 was a pretty good year. I turned 33 in March, we took the girls to Great Wolf Lodge for Kennadie's 6th birthday, and Nicole had our closest family and friends at her 2nd birthday party at home. Josh and I celebrated 7 years of being married in December, we traveled a little to Maine and the Cape for vacations, Nicole started her daycare/preschool, Kennadie started 1st grade, I managed to stay on the deans list, we finalized Nicole's adoption in May, and I got Dallas's footprint tattoo that I have been wanting to get for two years now.

2015 was definitely a year of growth and learning for me. There were rough moments with school, feeling exhausted, being faced with a difficult decision on adoption again, making mistakes, my patience being tested hard, not feeling as if I am doing a good enough job at anything, struggling with feeling present enough, wanting to be more for my girls, moments of anxiety. I had those days of feeling crappy for no reason at all and I have shown myself that I can push through, that I need to push through. There were harder moments and there were amazing moments- having a strong bond and marriage with Josh, loving on my girls, realizing what is important in life, slowing down with my little family. I have learned how to pay attention to my feelings and thoughts and how I am reacting to situations and what I like and what I want to change. I have grown to know myself inside and out so well this year.

For 2016 I was going to do my word for the year, but I can't make decisions and that is just who I am and I have most definitely accepted that in 2015 :) So there are a few words that are standing out to me so instead of choosing one word I am going with what feels right for this new year.

Celebrate, open, yes, and trust are the words that are standing out to me for 2016.

I want simple for this year and to celebrate not only the big but perhaps more importantly the small. The new and the old. Just celebrate life and my family and to always remember what is important.

I want to be open. Open to new possibilities. Open to a new job. Open to adding on to our family. Open to moving to a new home that fits our needs for our family. Open to traveling and exploring and open to changing old,bad habits. Open myself even more to my family and friends and in my writing and to Marcia and to myself. Open to everything that this beautiful life has to offer.

I want to say yes more than I say no. Yes to adding on to our family. Yes to a new home that will accommodate our family and that we can settle in and make our forever home. I want to say yes to a job, to friends, and most importantly to my family and my girls. Yes to travel and just getting out on day trips or activities.

I want to trust. Trust myself, trust the decisions we make may not always be the "right" ones but that if they are wrong to trust that I will learn from my mistakes. To trust that things happen on this journey for a reason. To trust the journey and to trust the process. To trust that I am exactly where I need to be in this moment.

So that is it. It feels simple and refreshing to me. Here is to a beautiful and wonderful and amazing 2016.

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