Lately I have been busy and multitasking and overwhelmed. At times it all leaves me drained at the end of the night and feeling edgy. I tend to do this to myself though, and I worry too much about if I am being a good enough mom or if I was present enough with my girls today, or present enough with my husband. I have been bringing Nicole with me to Marcia's since my appointments are during the day, and I have even felt a disconnection there too and with myself. I am not sure if it is just all the busyness with the house and school work and kids and a family and life, but I am trying to figure it all out.
I have learned that happiness actually takes work. Not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows and some days are going to be harder than others, and honestly this is such a hard thing for me to accept, but I am working on it. I hate feeling anything but good and happiness, it scares me to be honest. Some people have to work harder at true happiness than others and I never realized that when I was younger. I try my best though to choose happiness no matter how much work it is. I am working hard at keeping an A in every class in school. I work hard at keeping a nice house and being a good mom to my girls and being a good wife to my husband. But I also have to be gentle on myself when I have those off days or the days when I am not completely present or the days when I feel like I was not the mom I want to be.
Two days with both of my girls home with me due to the blizzard we just
had was a nice distraction from all the craziness lately. Getting
outside is one of the best things I can do and getting out with my girls
helps make everything seem just a bit clearer. Our two days were filled
with make your own ice creams, lounging around in comfy clothes,
crafting, paints, staying up late, sleeping in a bit, dress up, and
playing outside in the snow. Kennadie made tunnels and paths with the
snow that came up to her waist and rode down the hill in the front yard
with the tube over and over again. Nicole trudged through over two feet
of snow, falling down every few steps she took. I would smile and laugh
and help her up when needed and it never stopped her though. She kept
trudging through the high snow again and again.
Kennadie's health paper from school- Kennadie is happy when my sister plays with me.
We had so much fun with this tube.