Thursday, September 18, 2014

needing something more

 For a few days now I have tried to sit down to write. Sometimes it just doesn't work out the way I would like- the dog barks and wakes up Little One, or Kennadie has a half-day at school and I can't say no when she asks me to help her write a story, or Kennadie asks me to catch a spider she found in the house so she can keep it as a pet, or my phone rings, or I start a draft, think it's horrible, and then I delete it. It's not always easy to fit writing in, but I try to find the time whenever possible because I love it and I need it; it's my outlet. When I write my mind becomes a little more clear and I can slowly let go through that pen or while tapping away at the keyboard and I will usually walk away seeing things from a different perspective.

The last few days have been difficult for me in that I have been thinking a lot (and I mean a lot) about my (our) future. I can't be a stay-at-home mom forever, but I also never finished my degree (I only have a little over a year left), and I still have no idea what it is that I want to do for a career. But it does feel like something is missing from my life. Our days are busy for sure, but it's not the kind of intellectual stimulation I think I am missing and needing. Thankfully, I can usually sneak in an hour or so here and there during Little One's nap to write which definitely helps, but I don't think it's enough for me.

Ideally, I would love to work but also be there for my kids during the summer and school breaks and holidays and snow days and be home for when they get home from school. I think what is freaking me out the most is that I feel like the jobs that actually offer that type of flexibility are rare. I'm really struggling with this decision right now, but I am working on it. I know that it will all become clear to me when it's supposed to and just like anything else in life we will figure it out.


Some pictures from my photobucket account that I forgot to post a while ago-

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