Drawings of bright yellow suns, pink & orange flowers, & yellow butterflies hang on the wall above my desk right next to the Mother's Day craft she made me where she wrote out MOM in purple marker & that O in mom isn't just any regular O, it's a carefully thought out O with a smiley face inside of it. Brown coffee rings peek through the white paint on my desk, a flowered notebook to scribble out my thoughts, my calendar, a pile of papers that I have been ignoring, & a to do list that seems to just get longer every time I look at it all sit on my desk.
I have been feeling busy lately & know that I need to let some things go. As much as I would love to do it all, I know I can't. She needs me & I need this time with her. When school starts again in September it will be her last year in preschool & then she will be away from me 5 days a week in kindergarten. I love what I have been doing but I'm looking forward to letting a few things go & balancing my time better with what is really important right now.
I'm learning what works for me & what doesn't & what is most important to me at this time in my life. I plan to do some catching up today so that I can fully enjoy the next 9 days of having Josh home with us. I'm looking forward to our camping trip, being with my little girl in the car with the windows rolled down singing our favorite songs over & over again, being with my little family on the beach, doing things we have never done before. I'm looking forward to trying new things & seeing new places, eating ice cream looking out at the ocean, eating S'mores, wearing sweatshirts on cool nights & smelling like bug spray & smoke from the campfire, snuggling up in an RV with two of my favorite people, eating breakfast on a picnic table, staying up late, not worrying about appointments, emails, or to do lists. I'm looking forward to just being.
I made sure to take plenty of time out & be fully present with her this past week. We made it to the park twice last week & we had the best time.
Maybe it was the feeling of guilt from being so busy lately, but I let go of making her have veggies at dinner & she made her own pizza, covered with lots of cheese & pepperoni. Just the way she likes it.
|notice the winter pajamas-it was probably 75 degrees out- this kid always wants a sweater or long pajamas & always tells me she is cold-she belongs somewhere tropical! |
She loves playing in the mud & splashing in the puddles & we did manage to get outside a few times this week despite all the cold & rain we have had & we danced in the driveway while we listened to music, we painted each other with mud, she soaked me with the hose & thought that was hilarious, we took post-rain walks after dinner, & I watched as she happily splashed in puddles at the bottom of the hill.
|her new favorite thing to do on our walks is to walk dakota all by herself|
And right before bed she gives us a glimpse into the future of what it will be like when she is teenager. Her new thing at night is jamming out to Taylor Swift for like an hour before she can't fight it any longer & her tired eyes finally shut. She knows every song on that Taylor Swift CD now & as Josh & I finally sit down in the living room we can hear the banging of the music coming from her room & we can hear her singing right along with it & we can't help but look at each other & smile & laugh; I am loving this new thing she is doing at night.
|love the stickers on her headboard, the cat that never leaves her bed, & the radio next to her pillows-totally her room right now |
And this face is the face of a little four year old girl who is in love with music & of a girl who gets lost in her songs. This little one doesn't mess around.
It isn't always easy trying to balance everything; there may always be laundry that needs to be put away, dishes to load in the dishwasher, toilets that need to be scrubbed, & emails that have to be checked, but as I sit here & look back on all the little moments we have had throughout the past week, I realize that I may be too hard on myself sometimes. I know how to love this little girl with everything that I have, I know how to make the little moments count, & I am doing my best at this balancing act. And that's all that really matters.