She looked up at me when the first puddle caught her eyes. I smiled, “You can jump in the puddle, just know that your sneakers are going to get wet.” As she splashed around her shoes quickly became filled with water. She sat on the sidewalk, took off her muddy sneakers, & carefully dipped her toes in the puddle.
I was in a funk for a few days last week, questioning if being home full time with Kennadie was still the right thing for me to be doing. All of a sudden, I was daydreaming about what it would be like to blow dry my hair in the morning, wear heels, & head off to work listening to anything but Disney music in the car.
Everything seemed a bit overwhelming, the little things getting on every last nerve. The piles of laundry were getting the best of me, every time I turned around something else would need to be picked up, the non-stop barking from my dog had my blood boiling, the dog eating the cat food & the cats eating the dog food, the piles of puke left by the cats just for me to clean up...again. The dog poop that had to be picked up from the yard before we could even go outside to play, the hours upon hours of playing with her “guys” & doll house, & the loneliness I was feeling-wondering how great it would be to have a conversation with an adult at that very moment.
It didn't take long for the guilt to set in. How could I be so ungrateful? How can I not see how lucky I am?
I am grateful. I so very am. I get to do what I love to do each & every day. And as I started to pull out of this funk, I began appreciating all of the little moments again. I gently reminded myself that it's OK to have these feelings sometimes & that no matter what we do-whether we work out of the house or stay home full time, I think it’s expected to have these types of feelings at some point or another, to simply wonder what it might be like on the other side.
This was one of the best walks I have had with her. Because that day, I needed this so badly. My mood lifted & all I could see was how blessed I was at that very moment-the moment she ran through a huge puddle, smiling & screeching with delight, stopping at the end of the puddle to do a little dance where she wiggled her butt.
I watched as she scooped mud in her tiny hands & threw it in the puddles. I realized how much I can learn from her-the way she lives in the moment & appreciates the little things in life.
The amount of laughter we shared & the way my face hurt from smiling so much was exactly what I needed that day.
And this little girl? She is the reason I do this every day. She was there when I needed a reminder that even though the days may seem long & even lonely at times, I know that I wouldn’t want to miss this for anything. The day will come (sooner than I would like) when she will be gone all day at school & I will look back at pictures & remember all of our special moments we shared together. I will think of the times when it was just the two of us & I know my heart will ache to have those days back. When I am feeling overwhelmed or need a reminder, I know that if I just open my eyes she will be right there, & without even knowing it she will remind me once again why I am doing this.