Deciding to not take medication for the intrusive thoughts, anxiety & panic attacks I was experiencing was an easy decision at the time. I didn’t want anything to do with meds. I convinced myself that I could recover from this on my own. I convinced myself that there was some way to do this without medication & I was determined to find that way.
Finding a more natural way out of this wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. I ran around in circles trying everything I could find from acupuncture, reiki, hypnosis & appointments with numerous holistic doctors to vitamins & gluten free & vegetarian diets.
Every time I walked out of a hypnosis or acupuncture session, I cried.
Every time I tried a new diet & it didn’t get rid of the scary thoughts or anxiety the way I planned, I cried.
I didn’t feel any different.
I was still constantly tormented by the intrusive thoughts.
I still thought I was going crazy.
I was disappointed. Nothing was working the way I had hoped.
When I came across a book written by a doctor who specializes in alternative medicine, I was hooked. I thoroughly read every page & took notes. This doctor would easily figure out what is wrong with his patients & they felt better in no time. Whether it was depression, weight issues or schizophrenia, he could help change lives.
I took it as a sign when I found out he has a Wellness Center a few hours from where I live & I booked my appointment right away.
Considering all the money we were paying for this appointment, I had
high extremely high hopes & believed this was my answer. And like the patients I read about, I hoped that I would feel better too. I thought this would be the appointment where I would leave all the anxiety & scary thoughts behind in that office & come home my “old self” again.
Unfortunately, things didn’t happen that way. I was just as disappointed as I was after all the other appointments I had been to.
At this appointment, I was tested negative for Celiac Disease but was told I have a Gluten Intolerance. They gave me a list of about 15 different vitamins that they recommended I purchase from them & told me to cut out all gluten from my diet.
I popped those expensive vitamins faithfully every day for months. And the gluten free diet was a nightmare but I tried my best at it.
At the time, the only grocery store that offered a selection of gluten free foods was an hour away. I packed my baby up, drove an hour there, spent over an hour in the store trying to find what I needed, then drove an hour home.
Every. Single. Week.
I was becoming exhausted.
I didn’t want to waste any more money on the next thing I could find that I thought would cure me just to be disappointed.
I was tired of spending all my time driving hours away to doctors & grocery stores.
I was losing hope that these thoughts would ever disappear & began to feel as if there was no way out.
After almost 3 years of this, I gave up on my search for the “perfect natural cure” & decided to give the medication that I was so against using in the beginning a try.
Although I do believe incorporating healthy choices in my life helped a little & I definitely learned a lot about healthy eating & living, it never cured me the way I thought it was going to.
Maybe I tried too many things at once.
Maybe I never gave anything a fair chance to “work”.
Maybe I could have tried harder at the gluten free diet.
Maybe I gave up too soon.
I am not sure if there really was anything else I could do or try. At times, I do still wonder if mental illness can be overcome using alternative treatments.
I would love to hear if you have had any positive or negative experiences with alternative medicine. Please share!