Saturday, May 12, 2012

celebration on mother's day

1st Mother's Day

Waking up that Sunday morning, I rolled over in bed to check the clock. 6:30 A.M. Panic came over me. I had no recollection of waking up last night to feed you.

I didn't.

I glanced to my right at your bassinet next to my side of the bed.

You were peacefully asleep.

 I smiled.

This was my first Mother’s Day & the first time that you slept through the night.

I tip toed out of my bedroom to let you & daddy sleep while I went downstairs to the kitchen to make myself a hot cup of coffee.

The sun was rising, the air was warm & the morning was quiet. 

I took my coffee out to the back deck, sat down on the canopy swing & enjoyed the silence.

Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, I closed my eyes. 

I will get through this.

I can do this.

I will not let this beat me.

Even if it was just for a moment, for the first time in over a week I felt a calmness throughout my body. I felt strong.

I knew that I had a long road ahead of me but I had no idea how hard this beast was going to try to beat me down. I didn’t care though; I knew I would fight this with all that I had.

Your smile kept me hanging on through the darkest days.

Here we are on my fourth Mother’s Day.  For me, this Mother's Day is a day of celebration. 

To celebrate how far I have come since the beginning of PPA/PPOCD. 

To celebrate how much I have learned. 

To celebrate how incredibly close we are. 

To celebrate how loving our family is. 

To celebrate how I never thought I would be in the place that I am now. 

To celebrate how being your mom is even better than I ever thought it could be. 

To celebrate the mom & the woman that I am & becoming.  

I made it.

We made it.


AnnMarie said...

You are such an inspiration for all women suffering. I know I don't "know" you very well since we have just "met" but I'm so proud of you! You are a wonderful mother and I hope you have a terrific celebration on this special Mother's Day.

Kimberly said...

This has me in tears friend. So beautiful.
You are making did.
And I couldn't be more proud of you.
Much love and celebration

Kristin @littlemamajama said...

This is a beautiful post! What sweet pictures of your baby girl. I'm so glad that you are celebrating how far you've come. Hugs!

Andrea said...

Thank you all for such nice comments! I appreciate all the kind words, love & hugs. xoxo to you all :)

Anonymous said...

You give me hope Andrea of beating my PPD/PPOCD. Thank You!!